Who I am

Dear friends,

I am not who you think I am.

Often times we put our pastors, leaders and church officers up on a pedestal thinking they are “above the fray”. On many occasions I have caught myself thinking something like this: “This is not a sin my pastor can relate; he does not struggle with greed or lust or pride. He is my pastor after all.” Well I am sorry to disappoint you, but I am not who you think I am.

While I am a pastor who is called, set apart for ministry who ought to be “above reproach” in my life and conduct, I have not made it yet. I fear that some people might look at me as I walk into church and think I have it all together. Or they may ask me for counseling or advice on a specific problem, and as they listen to me talk them through how the gospel transforms their lives, they may think that I don’t struggle with sin like they do. This is a problem because I am not who they think I am.

Who am I then? A sinner saved by grace. A sinner who must daily put off the sins of the flesh; greed, laziness, gluttony, pride or lust. I am a man who is daily learning to live in the dual reality that sin’s power has been broken in me, but sin’s presence is still here. I am a man who is daily being conformed into the image of Christ, who daily must take hold of the truths of the gospel and go to battle with the "lusts of the flesh, desires of the eyes and pride in possession" (I John 2:16). A man who must remind myself constantly that I live under the banner that reads, “Not Condemned”.

So, who am I? Who do you think I am? I am a work in progress. Milton Vincent said these poignant words, “you already know the worst thing about me, I nailed Christ to the cross.” Because you know this about me, now I can live in freedom. I don’t have to fear for what can man do to me, who will judge God’s elect?

Who am I? I am one of the men who nailed Christ to the cross, one who has been forgiven. Now you know who I am, but better yet, you know who Jesus knows me to be.